Crazy medical journey

Z is currently on nights this month, so we are dealing with a polar opposite schedule this entire month. I get to see him for about 2 hours a day in the morning, where neither of us is really coherent (him falling asleep, me trying to wake up). While this doesn’t bother me too much knowing that it won’t last forever, but I do miss seeing him. However, months like this sometimes make me feel resentful, not necessarily at him, but at his work lifestyle thus, in reality, makes it appear resentful at him (that was a lot of commas…). I get annoyed that I have to be the one constantly adjusting schedules and workflows in the house to accommodate his work schedule. I hate that I have to keep the house super quiet on weekends so he can catch up on his sleep before he goes to work at 4:30pm. I have to make sure the fridge is well stocked so he has something to eat when I’m at work. I mow the lawn because he doesn’t have time. Keep in mind that this is a life without kids. Imagine if we have kids! Apparently, I can’t even keep it together without being a parent.

Then, I realized recently that I reverted back to being all about “me” while in reality, “he” also had to make adjustments. I mean, who really enjoys working all night for a month, and then go back to work in daytime the following month? Who likes to sleep through the entire day of beautiful weather so you have the energy to work through the night? Who wants to go to work knowing that a patient might not come through and passes away before you and have to inform that to the family? 

The truth is, it makes both of us cranky in different ways. We both have to make sacrifice and adjustment to make this medical journey work. We have to acknowledge that we have to work together instead of making a competition of who-has-it-worse-this month. By the way, Z is a lot more understanding during times like this than I am. 

I am part of a Facebook group “Lives of Doctors’ Wives” that is made up of 6,000+ members and growing. My challenges are nothing compared to those of a single parent or a veteran’s spouse, or a widow; however, society and even family believe that we are the lucky women who married to a spouse that will bring big income. There are unique challenges that medical spouses have to live through, and sometimes only spouses in this world would understand. 

I am ending this long rant/self-reflection/diary/whatever you call it with this by a medical spouse who just posted this to the Facebook group. I needed these reminders today. 

1- Enjoy the journey, whatever stage you’re in. It goes by faster than the blink of an eye, no matter how rich/poor you are, or how busy your spouse is, it goes by fast. 2- Don’t waste time missing the place you left, learn to love the place you live now. Do it sooner than later, because before you know it you’ll be leaving and you’ll realize how much you’ve grown to love the new place that has stolen a piece of your heart. 3- Become friends with your neighbors and the people in your community. Race, religion, career, none of those things matter, there are kind and loving people everywhere. 4- Don’t become bitter and don’t compare your life to anyone else. Everyone has hard things they’re dealing with, trust me.

#livesofdrwives #marriagetalk #rant #selfreflection